Originally Posted by
mishaco1 
He is now texting me all this crap about how he always loved me and always will and wishes things could be different and I am pretty sure he is wasted right now.
This is a manipulative hook... nothing changes if nothing changes.
I'm so scared. For different reasons... He is (a) going to show up here drunk and then I am going to have to call the police or he is (b) somehow going to be nice because he knows he is no longer going to have anybody and I am going to fall for it and I am going to put myself right back into a world of misery and hell.
And I have this very bad feeling it is going to be (b).
"If you are distressed by anything external,
the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it;
and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
Charles F. Kettering
So right now I am panicking... I do not want to do this. I do not want this to happen. I cannot handle the stress of this happening. I cannot go through this EVER again. So I feel my only choice is to forget about the court sh*t and change my number TODAY and never have contact again.
S-l-o-w.... d-o-w-n...... a-n-d...... b-r-e-a-t-h-e........ It seems overwhelming because you are taking it all on at once...
The only thing you have control over is you... you have the ability and the power to choose differently... you just need to reach for it...
Problem... Thinking about changing my number later today is almost putting me in tears! I am panicking over that and over what is going to happen. What the hell is wrong with me?! I REALLY REALLY need to do it but I just don't know if I can.
Again, sounds to me like you're worrying about everything. Please don't misunderstand me or think that I'm being condescending... It may help if you write down a list of priorities and go from there.....
I know you're feeling bad today... maybe it would be good if you could get out to a meeting and see your sponsor... that would be taking care of YOU and you won't be tempted IF he came over.
For example if tranquility is what you need... right now.... turn off your phone.
Do not communicate with him... his actions or self-inflicted problems do not require communication from you.... nor can they be solved by you.
Something is seriously wrong with me. I need to do this. Please tell me I need to do this...
I know it sounds stupid but maybe hearing it from other people that this is my only choice will help. I don't know.
Nothing is wrong with you... in my opinion...you're feeling out of sorts because your actions and thoughts are not on the same wave length....
You will do what you need to when you've had enough...
We are here for you.
See... It is already beginning. Text that JUST came through: I don't understand why you are so insecure. You're a gorgeous girl who has a lot to offer. It makes no sense to me.
I can read him like a book. I can't really understand why this is so hard for me?!
Another manipulative hook... apparently it's worked for him before... but you have removed the magical veil and are seeing him for what he is....
Take care of YOU.
((hugs))