I am really sick this morning and decided to stay home and not go to Al-Anon and sleep for a little while.
I was sleeping when my phone rang and being half asleep and my head being all stuffed, I just answered... It was XABF.
He did not go to his first day of work because he woke up a half hour late. I freaked out. Was yelling. Telling him to go anyway and to explain he did not hear his alarm and to do everything in his power to keep that job.
He refused. Too much pride. That was at 9:30, it is now 11.
I am freaking out. I know it is not my problem but I know he will do everything in his power to make it mine. He will be homeless now for sure and he will have no money because once his dad finds out, he will no longer help him.
He is now texting me all this crap about how he always loved me and always will and wishes things could be different and I am pretty sure he is wasted right now.
I'm so scared. For different reasons... He is (a) going to show up here drunk and then I am going to have to call the police or he is (b) somehow going to be nice because he knows he is no longer going to have anybody and I am going to fall for it and I am going to put myself right back into a world of misery and hell.
And I have this very bad feeling it is going to be (b).
So right now I am panicking... I do not want to do this. I do not want this to happen. I cannot handle the stress of this happening. I cannot go through this EVER again. So I feel my only choice is to forget about the court sh*t and change my number TODAY and never have contact again.
I made him switch the storage unit to his name yesterday and all of his vehicles are now gone so there is nothing for him to hold over my head or to come get so I would call the cops when he shows up here.
Problem... Thinking about changing my number later today is almost putting me in tears! I am panicking over that and over what is going to happen. What the hell is wrong with me?! I REALLY REALLY need to do it but I just don't know if I can.
Something is seriously wrong with me. I need to do this. Please tell me I need to do this...
I know it sounds stupid but maybe hearing it from other people that this is my only choice will help. I don't know.
