Fool

Today is the last day of April. I have been sober for 12 days.

At the significant risk of sounding melodramatic, for the rest of my life I will always remember that it was in the month of April that I finally decided to change my life, and do what I always knew I needed to.

I've learned a lot about myself and why I drank these past 12 days. Questions I never asked in all my previous attempts at sobriety.

Perhaps that is what has made this time so different in my mind. Asking those tough questions. Sometimes I don't like the answers, but above all I am striving to be brutally honest with myself.

I have always looked forward to spring.

I live in a rural area, surrounded by farmland and woods. Winters can often be brutal out here in the hinterlands, so when old man Winter finally releases his grip and everything begins to once again burst alive in brilliant green, you can feel your spirits lift with every degree.

The back of my property faces a patch of woods. I have a patio table & chairs set up back there. The past few mornings, I have went out early enough to watch the sun rise through the trees.

I listen to the birds awaken and begin to sing. I smell the wet soil and the freshly green woods on every whispering breeze. In those moments, I am at peace with who I am, and perhaps more importantly, who I am not (anymore).

Today is the last day of April. The month when we got sober.

I wonder about the changes that will happen in our lives before we see April again. It's nice to know that I won't have to experience them alone, because you are here to listen.