Hey don't apologize for being down or not wanting to be funny. Fun is great here, and great period but I, for one, wouldn't be here if it was only for fun. Plus I think a lot of us avoided sobriety for years because it didn't seem like it was possible to have fun unless we were drunk or high. Truth is that sober fun is much more real. Along with that the down times are real too. The beauty is that seeing feeling and experiencing the real fun and the real down can bring real peace and wisdom. It comes to us, I think, in glimpses and flashes but it does come. What's really interesting to me is that you can't chase it, you have to let it come to you.
Looking at your past is good. Visit it, examine it when you feel moved to do so, but don't move and live there.
You're doing well, Ananda.