(((((Erika))))),
Not so!! Plenty of addicts/junkies get clean and stay clean. Just look around you at the meetings and even on here. I just got 18 months this past Monday! And I used to think I would just keep using 'til I died. Don't give up now. You're already through the worst. It definitely gets better.
And yes, you should be able to find some smaller meetings. Get some phone numbers and talk to other women. They can steer you in the right direction. Please hang in there!
Much love,
Eddie Z.