Im overwhelmed by all your messages of kindness. I cant tell you how much they mean when im in this fragile state. anna my girlfriend loves to drink like nearly all irish girls and i suppose for her to go out with me for dinner or the likes and me be sober while she doesn't drink drives her insane. But I do know that things are going to have to come to a head. I no big decisions are going to have to be made and big talks are going to have to happen between us because my life just cant go on like this. Almath i really appreciate your post, i think i'm going to have to look into going to AA meetings alright. I do play sports although the drink has had a bad affect on my sporting ability and the guilt I feel over that when I think what a waste when I know I could have(and still can) achieved so much more with my sporting life.Congratulations on your 80 days sober. Neomarxist I must say I love reading your post and from reading them I think we have the exact same drinking habits.what you say about not being able to stop at six or seven drinks...I'm only starting when im at six or seven drinks and the drunker I get the faster I drink. It is very rare I wake up sober, I wake up still very drunk and then immediately start drinking again its just getting ridiculous. Dee74, I spent a year and a half in australia and I can tell you my drinking habits worsened alot over there(all my own fault earning good money). I thank you for your kind words dee and what a great forum. Frankbarone its great to know people are in the same boat. (although I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.) And dont start with the flashbacks, as horrible as blackouts are, sometimes I wish blackouts would stay blackouts as ignorance is bliss. You are right about flashbacks sometimes about things that didn't happen aswell it's hell and its no way to be living. You are right it does feel great to get it all out. I feel for sure im taking a step in the right direction just being on this forum. Thank so much to all of you for your time in reading and posting it really is appreciated. God bless.