Hi mate. Thanks for posting.
I think it is hard for people who aren't from Ireland/UK to appreciate the drinking culture within large social strata of society. It is engrained and binge-drinking a social norm. No two-ways about that. To drink to blackout is not a rare occurence within many drinkers who aren't alcoholic.
However these drinkers can also drink responsibly and in controlled moderation. They can also physically stop if they choose to. That is the difference I found. I physically couldn't stop drinking as I loved it way too much and thus blackout. Whereas with the regular normal binge-drinkers they could choose to stop after 6 or 7 pints if they wanted to.
You sound like you ain't never going to be able to drink moderately or non-alcoholically to be honest. I relate to your drinking 'style'.
If you truly want sobriety then you have to dedicate your life to it. It has to be the most important thing in your life. If you're an alcoholic then everything else will be lost anyway.
Staying sober means changing your life completely to be honest. There can never be another alcoholic drink 'just for today'. Sounds overwhleming at first I know, but as you get living the life then it becomes easier. Just don't drink one day at a time.
Also you're going to have to embrace recovery and mixing with others who are sober and in recovery. Especially early on.
It can be done but you have to commit wholeheartadly and will not be able to hangout in pubs and with old 'buddies'. Recovery takes a long-time and is a daily work in progress. I have 9+ months sober and I still have much work to be done untill I reach where I strive to be at. But it is getting there "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly".
All The Best. Peace.