hello and welcome to sr.
i know just about exactly how you are feeling......a bit like cant live with it cant live without it.
i was terrified of giving up,my life revolved around drinking too.celebrating,commiserating,heck yeh,a good book,good tv show,cooking,holidays,bbqs,getting home after hard day at work,i deserved it...blah,the list goes on.i was obbsessed.
i have been my with partener for 7 years.when i met him i thought all my Christmases had come at once,he drank like i did.
all our time together was based on drinking...all of it.
fast forward to xmas 2008.my drinking went off like a ski jump and i got to that place where id dint want it,didnt know if i could stop and was terrified of what i was going to do without it.
but i made a descision and called AA that evening,it was new years day 2009.
after detoxing for 3 days with the screaming heebie-jeebies i went to an AA meeting,i was open minded and was willing to go to any lengths to get off the treadmill.
i got rid of all my pre-concived ideas,who was i to judge and draw conclusions about what AA was? these folk were sober and happy,they had something i honeslty wanted.
i went to meetings every day and i was prepared to give up on my relationship,i was doing this for me and nothing was going to stop me.
2 months later my partener followed me through the doors.
he did it for himself.
im not saying this is what could or should happen with your relationshipship,just my experience but we would not have lasted had he not got into recovery.my life was on the line.
i tried many many times to give up on my own and just couldnt do it,so i was prepared to listen to folk who knew what they were talking about regarding recovery.i knew nothing! i learned a little bit about my illness now and how to live life on lifes terms,just for today and my life has completely turned about.
there is nothing wierd about AA,its just about looking at life with a new pair of eyes and seeing a world where it is no longer necessary to drink simply put.
there are many other recovery programmes out there,and i believe dee put a link in for you.i couldnt do this on my own and soberrecovery has been a tremendous tool in my recovery.
keep us updated and welcome again.