Raindownonme

Hi everyone, first post here...about my 40th time trying to give up alcohol. Im on day 2.

The longest iv gone without alcohol in 5 years is 4 days. I drink wine, and lots of it. I have no support whatsoever from my husband....he laughs at me if I mention AA, he buys me wine every night even when I beg him not to as Im trying to quit. Im not using him as an excuse...I dont need much encouragement...
He gets so angry when im irritable because im withdrawing from the alcohol...tells me im selfish as its impacting his life, making him miserable living with me like this.
He sits here and drinks in front of me, hes doing it now...im sat here in tears....my wine is in the fridge, 3 bottles he bought home for me. My mouth is dry, I have a banging headache, I feel so tired but cant sleep....I know its all to do with the drink..but alls I want to do is go and get it from the fridge.
I know ill regret it in the morning, ill probably cry while im drinking it....I dont want to do it but I soooo do! Does that make sense?? I want it so badly.

I keep making excuses for myself....i cant start again tomorrow...or monday, no point starting towards the end of the week, when in actual fact it makes no sense as I drink every single day, whether its friday or tuesday.

I drink to celebrate, i drink when Im sad/bored/lonely...i drink when I watch a good film/cook a nice meal/read a good book....every aspect of my life involves drink.

Iv battled addictions before...cutting, antidepressants...i know deep down im strong enough to beat this....I just dont know how to get started...how to get past this first week....how to curb the cravings.

I know everyone goes on about the 12 steps but i really cant see it working for me...I need actual things to do, tips and advice on how to beat it minute by minute...the 12 steps just seem like such a weird way to go about things, and i know its worked for so many people but I Just don tthink its for me....has anyone else every felt like this??


I guess I just need some support....i want to give this up so much...i hate myself for being like this...I know i cant control it anymore....and I need help.