I am so sorry HS, BUT I will say and this may sound weird, but thank God its over, you lived through it and that it was quite bad. It was bad enough that you should have no doubt where you stand with this alcoholism. Thank God you weren't able to control it or it wasn't bad and then you carried on for months after with the idea that things aren't so bad because you can control it. Sounds odd, but if people can "control" their drinking then they think they don't have a problem, but people without a problem don't think about controlling their drinking. I am sure you don't see this now, but maybe, just maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
As Rev said it helps to see a thread like this once in awhile because it does help others.
There were a few positives out of this relapses, but PLEASE don't do it again.
Positive #1 - YOU ARE ALIVE AND SURVIVED!!
Positive #2 - IT WAS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD AND THERE IS NO DOUBT LEFT IN YOUR MIND.
Positive #3 - YOU HAVE HELPED MANY, MANY PEOPLE THROUGH YOUR HONESTY ABOUT THE RESULTS OF THIS RELAPSE.
Positive #4 - SR LOVES YOU UNDERSTANDS YOU.
Positive #5 - YOU CAN AND WILL START OVER.