Hi there
Thats the exact same position i was in a year last April. I had been dry for 5 months on antabuse and anti depressants seeing a counselor, had just got the all clear to come off the meds by the psychiatrist with a prognosis of the future looks good...apparently i wasnīt clinically depressed anymore cos of the meds and counselling not because of the abstaining from alcohol...hmmm....
Anyway no sooner than i finished my last pill, i was out drinking again and in real trouble in no time so it was either rehab or AA, i went to AA with a colleaague from work who had noticed i hadnīt been drinking and suddenly was...i thought what a load of BS, im not sitting here every week listening to this...ill make some changes and quit...the drinking got worse!
Anyways decided to go to rehab to get sorted! But when i looked at rehab, and this was in Spain, there was a big choice, some did the holistic stuff, some radical new therapy and there was this one 12 step rehab in Seville. I ended up going to the 12 step one because i thought how the hell am i going to get any support when i leave rehab??? These treatments might be great but if im not prepared to go to AA no ******* way am i standing on my head chanting everyday an drinking herbal tea! Besides my friend had over 2 years sober in AA so it must work! So off to 12 step rehab then...
So 4 week rehab going through all the steps and why they are worked, to one AA outside meeting a week and guess what after 3 weeks i had got it! No probs i didnīt need 4 weeks and coincidentally i fell out with a young guy in rehab on the day before i chose to leave early. So with the ringing in my ears of you are not ready and ffs get a sponsor...i left!
After 3 weeks of telling my drinking buddies and anyone who would listen that i had found God in rehab (metaphorically speaking) and after a few meetings, on the night i was due to go to a meeting i went beforehand to an old drinking place and had a coffee, put a few notes in the gambling machine as i could gamble now but not drink and within an hour was drinking again!
5 weeks later i was in AA and getting a sponsor and working the steps, let me tell you why...in those 5 weeks i drank everyday but it was more hellish than it had ever been before...the main reason being that during my rehab and meetings i had met people that had 20 years plus sobriety and great lives so no longer was i able to hold a decent pity party whilst drinking and say ī"i am a drunk that is the way it is i just have to accept that there isnt a solution for me, pity poor me" because THERE WAS A SOLUTION AND I HAD BEEN SHOWN IT AND IT WORKED!!!
It was a nightmare! Then finally my ex GF who i had been friends with for 4 year after breaking up, my last friend, announced she could no longer be my friend on a Sunday night, the following day i bought some booze at 11am, threw it away, bought more at 2pm, threw it away and more at 6pm and drank...looking down at the wine glass tumbler on the second bottle of wine, watching my favourite drunk film the manchurian candidate and listening to snow patrol "RUN", and thinking i am in deep **** even this isnt working anymore...next day to AA, so whos gonna be my sponsor then and how do i start working the steps...been sober since...
Good luck:-)