WendyJane,
Do you like what happens when you drink? Would a "normal" drinker do what you are doing? How low of a bottom would you like to experience? It can always get worse. What you are describing is all the "yets" of the disease. Yet to lose a job. Yet to end up in jail. Yet to lose family and friends. Yet to lose health. Yet to lose .....
My experience in quitting drinking was that I had a moment of clarity and sanity where I saw what my drinking was doing to me and what I was becoming through my drinking. I didn't hit a "rock bottom" and I am certain there is one waiting for me if I were to pick up the bottle again. I did not experience all of those "yets". I did not like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and by grace (a gift) I sought help through AA.
I understand alcoholism as a continuum of early, middle and late stages. I am midway through the middle stage. I am fortunate that I did not have to be so badly mangled and beaten down (i.e., late stage alcoholism) when I came to an awareness and a willingness to do something about my disease. I am grateful for recovery.
You can get off the elevator any time. I wish you the best. SusanLauren