SS, Hubby is not special forces but when I say mission it is when he sent somewhere (anywhere in the world) to fix a plane. He does have an extremely dangerous job though based on the nature of what he does whether here at his station or when he is MRT.
I will say this on your drinking - I believe you have a drinking problem. You can definitely get through a day without drinking believe it or not. Alcohol lures us in but it is our mind that is the problem. Our mind tells us that we must have that buzz or feeling and once we take that first drink our reasoning goes out the window and then the alcohol takes over.
I didn't believe I was alcoholic because I "chose" to drink. Rightly so in the beginning and probably for many years. I didn't have alcohol in the house and didn't crave or feel the need for it. Somewhere's along the line I leaned on it as a crutch to make me feel good when something went wrong or to celebrate when things were good. It became part of my routine and I didn't notice it because I "chose" to drink.
My drinking became everyday and it led to panic attacks and anxiety. My body started breaking out with spots and my liver count rose. My hangovers were now me just begging to for it all to end and I will never do it again. Yeah....alcohol was killing me.
I accepted that I am an alcoholic and until you do and stop drinking and begin recovery it will only worsen I can assure you.
Sobriety is the only way and you have the support of SR to see it through. It won't be easy and you may have the typical withdrawals all of us go through but they are temporary. Until you decide to stop and you will never be able to free yourself.
Drinking is no solution and I urge you to toss the booze in the sink and do what you need to do. Reach out for help and it will be there for you. You are not alone.