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Old 04-21-2010, 12:37 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
john0000
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 26
Thanks to you all, this has helped. i just want to be healthy and happy and not feel like this anymore. i am worried about doing this though - I spoke to my partner briefly this morning about helping me not drink this weekend even though i have been hating myself a lot when i do drink I have been much better - not drinking in the week, but when it comes to the weekend the whole cycle starts again and depending on how much i have depends on how bad I feel on Monday morning.

His reply was I want to drink at the weekend - theres nothing wrong with you, you just feel depressed after drinking, you are OK if you only have a couple. My response was that but I can't just have a couple, It's making me ill. He said stop being so stupid. To which i shouted thanks for your support and he said well I'll just get pissed tonight in that case.

He is so supportive in everything else - yet he drinks at least 4 or 5 beers a night and alcoholism runs in his family - it is like looking at myself 5 years ago.

I am going to try to find a counsellor - well I have found a couple in the area as I think that it is a lot to do with things in my past as to why i started to drink heavily - I have never had a "stop" button. I just find it really difficult to talk to people about things - and i find now that when I do have a drink I get upset - and really upset the following day.

I went to sleep at 8.30 last night and woke up feeling good to be non fuzzy headed when my son got me up at 6 so got to spend more time with him before work.

I just have this nagging heavy feeling that won't go away, and if my partners attitude is what it is i don't see how i will ever get better.

Maybe i should not expect him to help me by not drinking around me - but I don't know that there is any other way. It would be a lot easier if people were telling me that I have to do something - not telling me that i am OK. I know I'm not OK maybe I need some tough love - maybe I just need to be stronger.

Sorry not really much more positive today - if i could get through one weekend maybe i would feel better. I don't think i can stand to feel like this forever. I just want to be normal.
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