There is Freedom in accepting that we are alcoholics. In doing so, we begin the task of cutting those bonds that enslave us. Yes, we are slaves to alcohol. It rules our days, takes over our thought patterns, and numbs our feelings.
I could tell you about all the dear family members I've lost over the years. I am 51. I've had watch my dear Great Aunt die by inches in a nursing home over 5 years. She was my mentor, my example, she loved me unconditionally. I held the hand of my father 10 years ago when he died after fighting Congestive Heart Failure for 12 years. I stood beside the bed of a wonderful brother-in-law just 3 years ago after a 2 year battle with horrible colon cancer. He was only 60.
I stood by my husband after he admitted to having an affair after 28 years of marriage. He and I went through a terrible time in our marriage because of a terrible family issue. He escaped into the arms of another woman. I escaped into a bottle. We survived that, it's been 2½ years since I found out, and we are still together.
I could blame ALL of those things for my picking up drinking again 4 years ago. I could justify my actions. But I won't do that. That is not the person I want to be. I want to live my life and not be in a fog. I want to enjoy my grandchildren and my kids those few times a year we get to see them. I do not want my legacy to be the memory of a drunken out of touch woman who was so weak and bitter that all she could do to cope was drink.
You have your entire life ahead of you. Who is that person you want to be?