SOSW
I lost my younger sister from alcoholic Liver Failure only 5months ago. I found her dead in her house. I spent years trying to stop her from drinking with absolutely no luck. YOU sound just like me! but maybe for different reasons.
While I was going through this addiction with my sister, I wasnt paying any attention to myself (I was actually drinking too, no aware of how much) because my focus was my sisters addiction)
Now she has gone, I too have been drinking every night, somehow mourning the loss of it all. Depressed, yeah, I have been a mess and at times wondering what my purpose is on this earth too. I too, thought I didnt have a drinking problem as I was just numbing the pain, but I dont want to end up like my sister.
But you know what, I am sensible enough to realize this is all a matter of mind and attitude.
We can both drown our sorrows and feel sorry for ourselves but at the end of the day, what for? My sister would be so angry with me right now, so I have decided that I will respect her and just get on with my life. Sounds hard to do hey?? We can do it, so what I am trying to do right now, is laugh, and enjoy the family I have right now. Its just not fair on them for me to be this way.
It hasnt been that long (for you and me) the loss, the emotions etc so it takes some time. But the fact you are in here SR asking these questions makes me see that you are as strong as me.
Big hugs and support for you. Think positive and the world will come to you.
Jo