Welcome to SR! We are so glad you found us! You are making huge progress already whether you realize it or not! You recognize you cant control your drinking and that there is a better life without it. That in itself is huge!
You need to remember you are NOT rubbish or a useless person! You are a blessed mother of a 2 year old to start with.. I hope you consider a working a program and maybe some counseling as suggested above. Remember your worth it!