back again - feeling rubbish
I am feeling the need to post here again as I really cannot see how I can give this horrible addiction up.
I have been doing really well - not drinking in the week - however I have a two year old son and so if anything I should be doing the opposite.
I know that the only way that I can deal with this is to give up alcohol altogether as I do not have a stop once I start. I am understanding now that this is progressive and I hate the way that i felt on Monday morning after going out for lunch with friends - my other half driving and me drinking far too much wine and then carrying on at home.
My other half drinks as he likes to have a beer - he is a couple of years younger then me and I think he has the same problem however won't accept this.
I find myself feeling so jealous of people that do not have these constant thoughts going through their mind and I feel so much better when I do not drink, my social life with friends does revolve around meeting in pubs etc, I do not have one friend who does not drink - I also do not have one friend who drinks in the same way that I do.
i want to be a good mother and I do not want this to affect my relationship with my son, does this mean that i no longer should associate with my friends - or how do i be in a situation where there is alcohol without drinking - how do I tell my friends this?
I love the way that my life felt with no alcohol when I was pregnant - I know that i have to do this now before this gets any worse - I really feel so alone and lost and just useless.
Why can't i just stop. Will counselling help - I just hate myself for wanting to put myself through this and the depression that I feel after having drunk. I have no-one to tell me what to do - nor help me, my other half does not think that I have a problem and none of my friends have ever spoken to me about this, I just want to make it all go away and stop being such a rubbish and useless person.
Why can I not see my life without alcohol, the benefits far outweigh the glow after the bottle of wine has been drunk and i just want more and more. I hate myself for being like this. I just feel so useless and pathetic.
maybe if i could just get through one weekend it would get easier, I feel so much better for having stopped in the week - but my other half looks at me in shock if i say that i want to stop!!