dear orchid-
in my own experience, if they are physically violent when drunk, it will occur over and over again. i do understand the denial i was in regarding this.
when mine attacked me the first time, i couldn't quite believe it, even as it was happening. it was like a slow motion movie i was watching.
the next time it happened, it was the same. kinda surreal.
what i want to share with you is that it didn't stop. it kept occurring until he actually broke my shoulder by throwing me down a stairwell. it could have been worse if i wasn't sober myself and grabbed the railing. perhaps i could have broken my spine or had a head injury.
in my experience, these types of situations go from ok one minute to very dangerous the next. it's quick, unpredictable and seems to come out of nowhere. one minute everything is cool and the next minute it's not.
please consider leaving the restraining order in place. it is not ok for your boyfriend to attack you.
as for the threat to kill you, i would encourage you to take that seriously.
at a minimum, it would be in your best interest to get away from him if he is drinking heavily. you do not have to make a big deal of it, merely get away from him and leave him to his drinking and you leave his company.
a physically violant man who is drunk is unpredictable. you can not reason with a drunk. it would be good if you begin to take steps to keep yourself safe from harm.
as for his drinking and you helping him with that, this is impossible. best to give up 100% on that idea. he will stop when he himself decides that and no amount of love in the world will change that fact. alcoholics quit when they hit their bottom. obviously, he hasn't hit his bottom yet even though he has attacked you and injured himself. that is not enough yet.
another thing i wish to share with you is that just when you think it can not get any worse, it does. your alcoholic will take you to new levels of despair, pain, heartache if you permit him to.
it's your choice.
the situation you have described sounds very serious to me. i want to impress on you the seriousness and very real danger you are in.
can you get into counseling and/or attend alanon? it helped me "break the spell" by speaking to others and getting their input about what was happening.
naive