Sometimes it really is hard to distinguish between just a venting/contemplating post vs. one that is indicative of one's ongoing recovery on here.
Just like we all vent usually negative things to are friends, its not an exhaustive example of the whole story, usually.
SR is great for keeping everyone in check. But yes, I 100% agree that sometimes (and not just on here) the codependency thing goes too far.
i personally don't believe as being "codependent" I am defective or "sick".
Maladaptive and out of whack? Sure. But who wouldn't be in the same circumstances. For me, its very hard for me to let ALOT OF THINGS go....its part of my personality. However, this is one of those qualities of mine that can swing into less of a positive thing - like most other personalities have.
Again, perhaps I sound foolish because I never lived with an alcoholic, and I haven't had years of experience with it all, but IDK...I think its possible to miss someone and want to see how they are doing FROM A HEALTHY PLACE and not be "relapsing."
However, Do I think enough time has passed that makes it worth "checking"? No.
I much prefer positive perspectives...."the power of a positive no" than the whole I'm codependent you can never care for a sick person b.c x,y and z will happen EVERY SINGLE TIME. There a predictable patterns and yes KP keep focusing on you....but I always believe in the gray areas. Which may be what gets me into trouble. Always flexible and on the fence. LOL.
Either way, we are all here for you and looking out for you. In our own ways. Just wait. Maybe your HP will provide an opportunity to find out. I used to be so concerned that I'd go to psychics just dyyying to know if he'd ever get help (so embarrassing, and ashamed to admit lol gawd). Now, I really don't want to know. I would much rather let life unfold and trust what's inside me to guide me. What one person says is not gospel. Everyone brings their crap and experiences to the table. Recovery is an individual process. Trust yourself.
Almost everyone told me not to respond AT ALL when xabf initiated contact. And I did. ON MY OWN TERMS and when I was ready. I believed it helped me become more at peace with the situation and I am so glad I took a chance and did. I wasn't taking the guy back just taking the opportunity to express something i needed to. I would just wait. Trust yourself. Only you know when you've gone too far. And I've found that a lot of times its only when you feel good about what you're doing so do other people. So just hang in there and do what makes you feel good. And i know you know the difference between that "fix" and an honest, detached action or whatever.
Slippery slope, I know. Be careful. If he was getting help, he'd prolly tell you. So just figure out where you're at, like everyone else asked you.