Wow, thanks for all the great advice!! I don't know why I relapsed, I just changed my mind for some reason and decided I didn't want to be abstinant anymore. But that's what is messing with me because I DO want to be sober. It's like there's a battle going on in my mind that is confusing me. I know I need to be sober and make healthier choices, I have a family now and people depend on me. I think I teeter on the verge of drinking because I can remember my earlier, younger days of drinking and used to have so much fun. I think a part of me thinks I can go back to that, but deep down I know I can't. I was attending AA, then I quit going mostly out of laziness, but also because I felt like going to AA means I am a "full blown" alcoholic and wasn't really ready to admit that, I guess. But I've known for a long time that I am 100% alcoholic. I just have to remind myself that that doesn't mean that's all I am, I am a lot more than just an alcoholic. Thanks again for all the advice!!