Pros:
1# I’m no longer responsible for a man who took more emotionally than I was able to give.
2# I don’t miss coming second to his addiction.
3# I’m no longer being called cold hearted, cruel and emotionally dead on a regular because I didn’t cry or show my emotions as freely as he did. Ironically, I was especially tight lipped with my feelings (towards the end) with him because I felt I had to keep it together for the both of us.
4# I’m free of the mind games and constant tussle for control and power.
5# I don’t miss the few incidents when our arguments became physical, or watching the guy I love become someone who was able to use the ways I’ve been abused in the past to try control and dominate me for his own gain.
6# I’m no longer being robbed and ripped off (when I needed money for my score too) by the one person who was meant to be beside me, with me.
7# I don’t wake up to the sound of rattling tin foil or get kissed with lips that taste like heroin.
Cons:
1# I've never stopped loving him or known how to.
2# I lost the first and only person who showed me I had my own voice. He made me a better person. Ironically, he gave me the tools I relied on to quit heroin and leave him in the end.
3# Even now, whenever something good happens my instant thought is to share that with him, before I remember he isn’t there. He's like a fantom limb.
4# I miss listening to him, his ideas, opinions, views, feelings...I miss his insights so much.
5# I miss the way he looked at me. No man, or person I know, have ever looked at me like that before or since.
6# Without him, much as my life is different in a far more positive way now, I’m a liar if I say it’s always better.
7# I wake up alone now, and to absolute silence. It doesn't make me regret waking up, but I hope one day I don't have to begin
every day alone.
Swings and round abouts, eh, guys
