Thank you guys.
What I did do is reach out to a friend here today and so I am going to have lunch with her tomorrow and spend time with her boys. I felt so much better talking to her. She said that No you are not alone. You have people who care about you here and want to help but you need to reach out for it. She told me that everyone knows I have had it rough lately and missions are hard on spouses so no one wants to overstep the line and to give me space.
That really helped me. See I usually talk to friends several times a day and I haven't really talked to anyone since my injury. I kinda distanced myself. Of course I was back drinking and alcohol leaves me feeling miserable. I don't eat much, talk much, and all in all become a negative person. Sadly, I started drinking to feel better and I again it proved that it will destroy me.
I need to not underestimate the support of others and I am so glad for SR. I think all a good part of these emotions the past few days are linked to my guilt over having relapsed and again becoming a person I don't like. What I need to focus on is 3 days going strong and hanging in there and celebrating my freedom on the road to recovery. Not everyone will understand or accept why I did what I did but I am taking charge of my life and it wasn't like I became an alcoholic overnight.....it took a long time of drinking.....so recovery will not be instantaneous but I already feel better knowing I am not housebound because I am too drunk or can't visit a friend because I am too drunk or worrying that I sound drunk.