Like others have said - acceptance of your condition. Until I became convinced I was alcoholic I was wasting my time. An older long-time sober friend used to say "you've got to let go of the corner of the bar-towel". And I was clinging on, although for a long time I did not realise it.
Then realising I could not do it myself and turning the problem over to my higher power was a massive weight off my existance - I am not a christian or anything BTW, but still believe in a power greater than little me.
I really wish you well and hope you get going and remember it's only one day at a time.
Stu