Hi Scarlet
What helped me was finally accepting what I was - an alcoholic...and realising every drink, sooner or later, led me back to the same dark place.
I also agree with Anna - change, I'm afraid, is mandatory - a failure to embrace change just might have been the end of the world for me too.
Support is vital too, so I hope we'll see you around.
Have you got any real life support in place, Scarlet?
good luck!
D