Husky,
I wonder if you should make any attempt at all to worry about where you live, whether you go to school, what you regret, whom you resent, or how to become happy, successful, or better functioning.
I’m with Windy on this one.
Quit.
Many forms of recovery kind of offer the theory that you come into addiction treatment and you say: “help me I’m on fire!” to which they say “no, you’re not on fire, you just like to douse yourself in gasoline and play with matches.”
In other words, they suppose that your drinking is just a symptom of a hidden problem with your thinking; that very well may be. Just realize that any attempt to improve your life amounts to wasted time if you do not quit drinking.
Don’t take it easy. Don’t take it one day at a time. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself: “I will never drink again.” Does that feel scary? Why? What would your life be like if you didn’t drink? Is drinking really that important? Do you really want to change?
There is always a good reason to stop. You may need more support. You may even need medical guidance.
Your life may not get any better than developing a new ability to deal with all of your problems with a sober mind. If I had to bet on it, I would wager that your life would become immeasurably better in time. But first, you need to take one simple step:
Quit.