Originally Posted by
mishaco1 
I feel really guilty because he has nothing and I do. He has no friends, no family, no job, no place to live..
Not true. Read what you wrote again.
He has a brother who helps him beat up a woman. He has a mother who bails him out of jail and gives him booze money. He has a father who pays his living expenses in a hotel. He has a storage locker full of things that he only has to go get.
That's more than a lot of people have.
Originally Posted by
mishaco1 ... he is going to show right back up at my place. I am SO scared of him drunk now that I will be forced to call the police and have him arrested again and that in itself is making me literally sick.
Jail's a good place for a man who vomits blood in the morning. They will sober him up, get him medical attention and give him time out to think about his behavior. The most loving thing you can do is to design your life so that all roads he takes to you actually do lead to jail or hospitals (leave to the experts to decide which is best).
Originally Posted by
mishaco1 He has a hold on me and I can't break free.
No, he doesn't have a hold on you; you are desperately holding onto him. You can pretty much choose never to see him again, right now. You are waiting for him to 'set you free', and he never will. You have to let go; you have to set yourself free. If you can't do it for yourself, can you do it for your animals?
Originally Posted by
mishaco1 I don't understand why he keeps going at the pace he is. He has flattened my tires, he has threatened to hurt my animals or himself and he tells me he drinks because it makes him numb.
He does it because he chooses this lifestyle more and fears changing. I saw a quote here somewhere recently: When the Titanic is sinking, don't grab onto the railing and scream, 'But WHY is the boat sinking! I need to know why!". Instead, GET INTO THE LIFEBOAT!
What good is all this guilt you feel? Who is is helping? Not him. You are no different from his mother who gives her son booze even though he throws up blood in the morning. She feels guilty because she was bad mother. She feels compassion because she was in his situation once.
Is she doing the right thing? No? But she's doing it out of compassion, love, understanding, and guilt.
Please call the local domestic shelter and ask for their advice and for a psychiatric referral to someone who understands the dynamics of enmeshed abusive relationships. You clearly should leave, but if you leave without understanding yourself (instead of understanding him), you'll just find someone like him to take over where he left off.