Thanks hello-kitty.
I do a lot of blaming myself - if i wouldn't have done this, then this wouldn't have happened. If I wouldn't have said this, then he would have never said that. If I never reacted in this way, then he would have never reacted in that way.
The hell and torture I have put MYself through for this man is ridiculous. And I am still doing it but the only difference is, this time I am ready to be done. I have reached that breaking point I so desperately needed to reach.
I pray and hope I remain in this state of mind!