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Old 04-16-2010, 07:44 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Aysha
Looking For Myself...Sober
 
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Hi Fel, I know how it feels to be on the edge too. Its not a good place to be.
You have gone round and round with similar situations with your family. Then usually when you have calmed down you do accept your part in it.
Its hard to see past anger sometimes, especially when you feel like no one cares or understands the rights you have done.
I go through it with my gram too. Just last week as a matter of fact. She laughed at me for trying to conserve money. That hurt..alot.
And I said somethings too. But I apologized. I know if it wasnt for her, I would be dead long ago. If not that, homeless and in really bad shape. She kept me alive in my addiction. By giving me love. But I never did anything to change either.
The past few years she has set bounderies and stuck to them and involving the rest of my family when needed. And it has made me deal with my own consequences for once. And now I am getting better at being responsible and making being clean the top priority in my life now. Because why would I change if she kept kissing my azz and acting like nothing is wrong?
As for credit. It feels good when others acknowledge our hard work. But you need to do this for yourself and not for the praise of others.
For me ..I feel , why should I be given credit for doing what I should have been doing all along?
Yea..It is wonderful to see people staying clean. Because this **** isnt easy. But Thats what we are suppose to do.
I am sure your parents are happy to see you staying sober. Maybe they are waiting for you to do some more before they let their gard down? I killed alot of trust with my family. They cant be fooled so easily anymore. It feels good to me to know where my head is. I like the pats on the back. But just the feeling of doing the right thing is what feels best to me.
Hang in there fel. I know it will get better.
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