hi mischa-
i remember being so worn out and confused i couldn't even think straight anymore.
i'm here to share that it gets better. i understand that you are exhausted.
what helped me was to open my mouth and start talking about what was going on. tell the people that love you that you need help and then accept it.
be gentle with yourself. rest if you are tired. take a few vacation days if you can and perhaps go stay with someone who loves you. at my worst, i went and stayed with my mother for 5 weeks just to get my head on straight. i used that time to rest, post here, and put together a plan for my exit.
naive