Thanks for the book recommendation, I will definitely look into it. I was reading threads on here about co-dependent behavior and it was a light bulb moment. A lot of things just clicked.
This board has been very helpful. I came here wanting to vent about her but in the end I see so much wrong with myself and how I react to her. I can't change her but I can change myself. It was hard to suddenly realize that I'm allowing this to impact my family in such a negative way. I played the blame game and pushed it off on her when in reality it's me allowing it to happen. Just like I can't stop her, she can't and doesn't control my life.
She doesn't "owe" me recovery for all the help I've given. I didn't realize until I actually thought about it but that's exactly how I feel. I was angry at her for it. I think I'll see if there are meetings in my area. I scoffed at the idea at first but I've been thinking for a few days and I need and want help.
Today is the first day I'm not angry at her. And I don't feel the need to call around to check on her. I'm still sad but I will find other things to think about, talk about and do.