View Single Post
Old 06-24-2004, 08:37 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
ChristineC
Pretty Is As Pretty Does
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Edmonton Alberta
Posts: 82
Let The Sun Shine In...

Good Morning All!

I went to a lunch hour meeting yesterday and I will go to one again today. I've been slipping in and out of AA for 5 years. The one thing that frustrated me that was everytime I went to a meeting all I heard was how great the program was and how it's helped so many people and to just work the program. My question was always, well how do you work this program? I never understood or really knew what to do. Ya, admitted I was powerless, came to believe, made a decision, ya ya ya. But I never really got it, understood it.

Since the middle of May I have been going to meeting regularally, like 2-3 a week, if that's regular enough . But still hearing the same things. I was getting frustrated, plus I didn't have a sponsor and I didn't know how to get one. There's a Nooner Meeting that I have been going to and there is a person there that has been saying deep, meaningful things. I could really relate and it was like he was speaking right to me. I know that women should really have women sponsors but this gentleman was different and I knew that. So I got up the nerve after yesterdays meeting and asked if he'd be my sponsor. He hesitated and mentioned that same thing I knew, about male and females relations in AA. But he said in his 15 plus years of sobriety he has sponsored 3 women and that he would help me.

We sat for 2 and half hours and he took me through page 58, paragraph by paragraph, word by word. He gave me so much insight, so much understanding. He also took me through my first 3 steps, word by word, and even more words that aren't even written in the book. This man has a world of knowledge. I had a few "ah ha" moments in there. I'm going to start step 4 and then I'm going to do step 5 with my sponsor. My biggest fear has not being doing step 4, it's been step 5. Having to admit all my wrongs to another human being. Oh my god, the humiliation, the shame I didn't think I could do it. But I know that my sponsor is a "human being" not a "human animal" and I can trust him. I've ran away from everything in my life with booze when the tough got tougher. I turned into a runaway train. I don't want to see/be the train wreck. I'm going to face these demons head on and let them go.

I've never known the real Christine, the Christine I was born to be. I want to meet her, I think she'd be a great friend. I can't wait to know her.

I get it now. What I need to do. What a day. What a wonderful day.
ChristineC is offline