Thanks Dee...I guess I feel the same...but I am trying to rationalize....I know when I am am totally sober I feel the same way...it kind of boggles my mind how our society equates so much of real "living" life to drinking....but we do. Sometimes I wish I wasn't conscious of the fact that I drink to much, like most folks that go through life and drink to much, it would be alot easier. But I know my drinking slows me down, and it sucks!! but the buzz is always there..damn beer!! Is it only because some of us, like all of us on this forum, knows that drinking is an impediment to our development, that we think we are happier not drinking? god I am so rationalizing...........I know if I was totally sober I would be saying "Steve, get a hold of yourself"...but this is where I am now. Thank you so much for your input, it really helps! I will be ok. I guess I (like probably every alcoholic) wish I could have a few on a sunny sunday and be fine..but that isn't a reality for me.