Dub, have you been hitting any meetings or gotten a sponsor yet? Is it that you really don't want to stop? I'm betting things haven't gotten bad enough either, just a thought as I know it was like that for me, pretty much all of the above.
I do hope for your own sake that things don't get bad before they get better for you. I know it's hard, been there, but it takes some work on our part and our willingness to do that.
May I even suggest getting a twelve step book and start with reading steps one through three.
My best as always.
