“staying in today" .......... DAY 15
I went to a meeting at lunch—It was a great meeting; so much honest and helpful and ‘real’ sharing. I felt insecure, but It was OK.
I'm refocusing upon “staying in today.” I have 3 more hours of hanging out at work and then an evening with my daughter. And then tomorrow morning we'll watch my son's performance at the bowling alley.
I've paid a chunk of my delinquent debt off today and have a small amount of money to work with until next payday. Then I will be in even better shape. With only a few, less penalizing, bill to pay, I'll be able to get my dying tooth pulled before it starts causing a problem. So if my car doesn't break down and my kids don't need any money, then I will have no problems making it through next week.
I never have to pay another 25$ overdraft fee on my checking account. I never have to have another drink or drug. I never have to be ruled by a secret life of addiction. I never have to live alone and separate from the rest of the world. I never have to freak out on my way in to work—hearing imaginary sirens relentlessly closing in upon me with the speed of magical high winds; and then following me around for the first couple hours of work.
Nope…even the discomfort of insecurity that I feel right now is better than the ongoing results of using. This insecurity I’m feeling now is OK compared to the frightening and endless nightmare of being an addict. I’m even a little grateful I think.