Thank you all for your responses.....it is acutually a very good thing I have come to this conclusion....because he has been able to quit drinking (to my knowledge), but nothing has changed (and he was not a light drinker at all). Quitting did nothing to change his behavior, and my mom and said over and over you are blaming it all on the drinking and I was....I guess is was the "easy" fix or easy out, but as I have learned it is just HIM his behavior. Out of curiousity instead of searching about alcoholic behavior this morning, I searched about abusive personality traits....and WOW was this such a fit. I still think the two of these things - abuse & alcoholism - go hand in hand, but clearly it is the abuse I can not live with. I even told him this morning that I guess the with or without the alcohol didn't matter that he has no idea how to treat me. We'll see what happens, life is complicated right now, but I KNOW that I will not be treated this way forever and am thankful to SR and all the reading on here for coming to this realization!