One thing I forgot to address, Wilson, is that I don't agree with your wife - at least to my understanding of the situation (I don't KNOW what your reality is, I am just feeling it). And that means that she does not understand, and she is very normal for being that way. (She doesn't realize it, but she is asking a flame to be afire but not to burn. You don't ask an alcoholic to drink sensibly.)
I will not get the best votes on this, but if the get-together means that much to you, then you can make up a story about why you are not drinking, but it is extremely early to be around alcohol. You can also call it off. I don't recommend giving the drinks a try, since you are stopping.