I know it is important to (and seems impossible not to) think and overthink our partners and why they do what they do, but don't forget to settle back down into yourself.
Continue to revist you and how you ended up where you did.
Read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
Do the 12 steps thru Alanon or CoDA.
Vist some Alanon meetings.
Journal.
Try therapy.
Don't let her distract you from learning about you so you won't play this out again.
Hugs and peace.