I definitely remember you well Sax and I do pray that you won't just disappear this time, but more important then SR is that you take action and find a way to stop drinking. I don't care which method you take, but I do care that you do something. Wishing that baby away isn't going to make it disappear, but a lot worse could happen if you don't address it. I am sure you know that. Listen to that inner voice and please keep in touch here. I wish you were closer. Internet is good at times and frustrating as heck other times.
Do you have anyone you can talk to? Do you have a church? A counselor? A friend? A family member? A hotline? Something or someone that could help you would be a good start. Don't close the world out now. Don't hide either. Please.