just read your post sax,
and thinking of you as a 'bad person' is the last thing to come to mind. a big thing is going on in your life now. pregnancy. first possibly harming the baby. and second not sure if you want the baby. there are many people like you in the same dilemna, even right now and you would not persecute them as much as you may be doing to yourself.
take me for instance...i have punished myself for many years because of things that happened to me when i was a child. things i did and didn't do. i've punished myself over and over and over. i don't know why we do that...i would have complete empathy for someone else who had my life, but for myself: none.
you are a beautiful person. i just know that. deep inside you do care about you.
follow your heart as best you can. and thanks for your post