When my children left Friday afternoon to spend the weekend with their dad, I cried. I told my friend that I don't want to be divorced. I believe in the sanctity of marriage; I want to have a husband; a man; a date; a partner. I want my kids to have a dad in the house with them. I want help. I want the income I have lost. I want to be able to run an errand without dragging 3 children along or waiting til they go with their dad to take care of my business. I want a lover and a soulmate and a best friend. i want someone to talk to at night after the children have gone to bed. I want someone to help me get them into bed. I want to share their accomplishments with someone who loves them as much as I do and I want help when it comes to discipline.
What I am accepting is that I have none of that. And it became clear in the last year of our marriage that I din't have it then - even though to the outside world it appeared that I did.
So I don't think I'm in denial. I must be going through some anger because it just really is not fair.
I guess it could also be depression.
