I think I am between stage 4 and 5. I go through the depression and start experiencing acceptance and then go back to depression. I think it is when I begin to accept what is that I go back into depression for awhile.
only last week did I connect up the loss of my father with my current dilemma. I have experienced many losses in my life (I would think I was an expert at grief work by now) but there may be more work to do. After the loss of my father, my mother lost it and went into hiding - she was either absent and lost in her addictions or abusive for lack of any ability to parent and cope with life. My brother and I misunderstood her stubbornness and refusal to accept life events and move forward for strength. Somewhere along the way I lost my brother as well and didn't know that until a few months ago when I found out my SIL died and he didn't let me know - I found out on the internet. It was a real shock to realize that I have no family - but worse that I never did. I used to make jokes about being the child the community raised and now realize that it is no joke.
which brings me to today, separated from my RAH, separated b/c I was missing the natural give and take of a relationship and he was always wanting his needs to take priority. I thought it would give him time to think and yet it turns out that all he can think about is him - he wants out and he wants me to make it happen - how passive-aggressive can one get.
I have tried to sort out why I stay. So many reason come to mind all of which I can argue either way. But I do keep coming back to acceptance - acknowledging that which is in front of me - I can give him all kinds of excuses and myself - but the fact is plain and simple - he would rather be apart from me. That is hurtful but the reality. Whether it is a game or something else doesn't matter which is what I am coming to terms with in the past week.
I think I learned in childhood that things can be taken away from you and you have no control. As an adult I think the learning here can be at least to understand that I can make decisions over how I will react, how I will let it change my life and to what extent. I can linger over things and feel bad or I can grieve them and slowly move forward. I working on getting there.
thanks for letting me share. I should have been here earlier.