So this is the club I didn't want to join and this is also the class I will never graduate from: The Grieving Group
To quote Melody near the end of this chapter:
"We may simply feel like we have gone crazy.
We haven't.
Become familiar with this process. The entire process may take place in thirty seconds for a minor loss; it may last years or a lifetime when the loss is significant. Because this is a model, we may not go through the stages exactly as I have outlined them. We may travel back and forth; from anger to denial, from denial to bargaining, from bargaining back to denial. Regardless of the speed and route we travel through these stages, we must travel through them. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says it is not only a normal process, it is a necessary process, and each stage is necessary.
We must ward off the blows of life with denial until we are better prepared to deal with them.
We must feel anger and blame until we have gotten them out of our system.
We must try to negotiate, and we must cry.
We don't necessarily have to let the stages dictate our behaviors, but each of us, for our well-being and ultimate acceptance, needs to spend individually appropriate time in each stage. Judi Hollis quoted Fritz Peris, the father of Gestalt therapy, in this manner: "[B]The only way out is through[/B]". "
Why will I not graduate from this class? As long as I am living, I will experience loss. I will need to grieve each loss - the small and the mighty.
I forgot the 5 stages of grief were even in this book. Why? I have read this book several times. Maybe.....maybe I read the beginning chapters several times. Maybe those chapters help me recognize my patterns of codie behavior and I can identify with those patterns. I can also see how my living with an alcoholic allowed me to keep repeating those unhealthy patterns because it was the only way I knew how to react. I re-read the book and realized that I was repeating those unhealthy patterns as I reacted to my family of origin. I recognized those unhealthy patterns as I reacted to co-workers. I believe it was easier to read the early chapters and see that I was reacting to life codependently and to say: I do this because of your behavior. I have been blame-shifting.
I react codependently because of your behavior.
I think I am ready to stop denying. My reactions are my own unhealthy behavior.
I think I am ready to stop being angry at others and get angry with myself for my reactions.
I think I am ready to stop trying to prevent the inevitable. Life happens without my control.
I think I am ready to feel sadness without the guilt for not being 100% sunshine. I am not always strong and positive. I feel sad and vulnerable too.
I think I am ready to accept my life - warts and all. It is what it is. It is not all sunshine and roses. It is progress, not perfection.
I need to keep this 5 step process in my tool belt. When I feel the crazy train coming, I need to pullout the steps and see which station my train is passing. It may be my crazy train has just passed through the valley of grief and I should find my seat and accept the ride.