I think I'm stuck at stage 4 - either that or my clinical depression is muddying the waters for me. I can't seem to move on from this. Some days are worse than others and I do think I've got myself into a habit of 'depressed thinking'.
I accept my marriage is over. I accept that it is for the best that XAH is an X. I was 'better' at acceptance, more comfortable in my life, when I was separated, before selling our house. I wonder if, now that I'm in my own place, I can now relax and process all the feelings I kept a leash on. I can sometimes skip through the stages in a day!
I'm impatient with myself. Intellectually, I know this is for the best, why can't my feelings keep up! I have trouble linking my depression to the divorce in my head. I don't think I've given myself permission to feel sad about it - he was horrible, abusive and cheated on me, I should be glad he's gone! Why should I feel sad it's over? I cried at the time, I should be done!
This is an ah-hah moment for me guys. I'm crying right now. I think I need to go and sit through this and think about what I've lost and acknowledge that it is a loss, even if I wanted it to end.