tkmal

Hi All. I'm not sure if I am in the right place or not. I am pretty confused about all of this. I am 35yrs old and have been drinking since the age of 14. My father was a recovering alcoholic for 11 years (he quit drinking the first time I drank...when I was 14). He is drinking again and most of the time (not always) has much more control than he did. This is not about him...it's me.

I am a mother of three (7 and 8 yrs olds). I worked for 10 years as an engineer and decided to quit to be home with my kids. I've been home for almost 3 years now, but in the last 1.5 yrs, my drinking has really bothered me. I never drink during the day...not even a craving for a drink. The only time my kids even see me with a drink is when we are camping during the summer months, or on a holiday. But I really look forward to when they go to bed so that I can have a few. Some nights it is 3 or 4, some nights it is 6 or 7 drinks. Sometimes my spouse joins me, sometimes I'm alone. But I do it most nights of the week. It is relaxing and it is "my" time. When we do go out, I can have about 10-11 drinks and be okay (I am only about 125 lbs), which also bothers me. I think I can drink as much as my husband who is about 180 lbs.

The fact that I don't physically seem to have withdrawal symptoms, but want to drink every night for that little buzz....do I have a problem? Or am I over sensitive because of my family history? I'm also a personal trainer and was a fitness competitor....is it my guilt about "healthy living", or do I have a problem I need to deal with?

Thanks for reading this...I rambled. I thank all of you out there who are willing to give people like me advice. It's been a really mental struggle for me and sometimes affects me the next day (not wanting a drink, but wondering if I have an issue to deal with).

Thank you all so much and God Bless you all!!