Originally Posted by this

ive been awake a a few hours and am drinking while drowning in self
loathing and of course the the daily feelings of regret and shame (what a
fun drug alcohol is). Long story short my addiction is only one of about 8
years but it really took a grip on me.Last july i had a detox and felt
great but a few months later (christmas) i made the bigist mistake.Yes the
"oh i will just have a couple" mistake. WEll im sure you can all guess how
that worked out.

I had just started to mend a few broken friendship with family and
friends and have now single handedly destroyed them all again. See im not
a "nice drunk" and can fully understand that people can only take so much
abuse and then the "im sorry, i was drunk," line

well last night i messed up bad. i had one friend left that has tried so
hard to stick by me all this time and last night i just went off at her ,
god knows what about but im pretty sure there is no way back.

Im so so sick of this. the whole self hate thing so drink to numb it yet
its the drink thats induced it. How pathetic.

So why am i here? Well this is hopefully my first step in coming to terms
that im swiftly loosing control again and its only going to get worse.On
monday i shall make an apointment with my support worker and start taking
small steps.. im scared its now or never .
Pete