Dub
you're probably tired of me - but all I can say are the same things.
You need action, man. Posting here is great but it's not action. Thinking about things is great too but it's not action either.
Why not see your sponsor? Or get a new one?
Why not cut back on work if it's stressing you? or see a counsellor for better ways to deal with stress and get your life into balance?
I've been there Dub - if the only action you really have is buying booze, you're not going to go anywhere..well..except down, maybe.
If booze is your go to answer, things are just gonna get worse, mate.
You gotta start looking for some new answers.
You can do this
D