Welcome to SR!
im scared its now or never
That's a very healthy fear, I think. One of the biggest things keeping me sober is the fear that if I drank again I might not have any more 'recovery' left in me. I'm afraid of finding my bottom so I stay sober. Besides, sober living is so much better than drinking and just existing with endless shame and regret and self loathing, not to mention being sick all the time.
I hope we can give you the information, hope, and encouragement you need to get and stay sober. Perhaps the friendships can be mended in time, just work on mending YOURSELF first.