Hi crzylilmndfreak, yes i can relate, I to have gone back and forth for 30 years am on my first month today. the only way i could have done it is with the support of other like minded people. I hope you get a strong support group SR is great support I use it with AA, I need to get out so i don't isolate. isolation is the biggest trigger for relapse with me. and the understanding that i have to work at this as if my life depended on it because it dose. I am powerless over alcohol, and learning how to live life without it is my quest... I hope you find the peace you are looking for