When my drinking got similarly out of control, negative in it's effects, and to the point where I sought out a recovery forum on the internet for support and information; moderation was not even an option. I wanted an alcohol free life, to "own" my days as you said, and thankfully I do now. Moderation efforts seem like torture to me, I'm typical "all or nothing", either I do not drink, or I drink all the time, whatever I want, and with a high degree of increasing irresponsibility. So the choice was easy, don't drink anymore. Best thing I ever did for myself and I don't miss drinking and I don't romanticize it. Alcohol is addictive poison that I do not need to have a good time, let alone survive. Whatever you end up doing, best of luck to you.